I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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