thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i've created a new STD.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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