I accidentally had phone sex last night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
