I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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