im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
