i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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