i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
