ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
