Sponge bath it is.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
