This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
