what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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