just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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