i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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