8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
