I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
