when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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