Pants 0. Shit 1.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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