my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
