Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
