The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
