Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
