Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
