Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
