I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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