And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
