Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
