I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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