Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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