my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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