KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
