I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
