i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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