Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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