Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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