Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize