i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
