Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
