I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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