just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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