do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."