I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
