Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
