saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
