Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
