it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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