guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
