careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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