Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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