You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
