i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
