I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
