Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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