I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
