I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
