Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
