Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
