He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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