quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
