Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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