The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
