My friends, they love my intelligence
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
