I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
