I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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