You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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