remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
