Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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