It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
