if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
