just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
