why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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