I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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