is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
