Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
