and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
