Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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